Vila Art Foundation

A constant

A constant
In my

Entire life
Is the frequent
Desire

To run away.

However
There has
Never been
Anywhere
Or
Anyone

To run to.

Kinda sillysad. Huh.

BTW
Stating fact.

Not a wish
Or

Expectation.

Would you hold me if I cried?

Would you hold me if I cried?
me,
a ‘Man’!
would you?

would you touch my Pain
and hold my hand ?
would you wonder at my
sorrow, my pain,
my
hurt??

must I be alone to
pretend to be strong --
masterful --
above the knife --?

must tears be forever
forbidden to caress my cheeks
to wet my lips
to cleanse my wounds ?...
must ulcers and early
emotional Death be my destiny.......?

must I cry out with
lips that cannot speak
to ears that cannot hear
to eyes that will not see
the harm being done to me?

Would you hold me if I cried?
me,
a ‘Man’?

would you?
could you?

Please..............?

Special...

And if I hold you
and if you cry
what does that make you
and who am I?

if we transcend society’s ties
and hold each other so near
will the joy be enough
or the price to dear?

can we say to each other
be free, yet be one
love me, need me
can it be done?

my fears are as great
as my disappointments have been
I have failed many times
with you I must win

understand when I say
I want to love you these ways
as I care for my child
the rest of my days

no reservations please
no conditions, or rules
just purely love
my heart, just a tool

to give whatever you need
all I can
and to do so
I become more than I am

I want more than i’ve ever seen
two individuals be
is it too much
even for you and for me?

LOVE!

LOVE!
why be so insensitive to the needs of
those few that cherish you
truthfully.
why create, and in that creation
destroy
me?

LOVE
you could have prepared me better for
your ways.
you could have eliminated the necessity
for pain to clarify
what you are--------

LOVE
who needs your contradictions !
who needs your illusions
your realities
the security you present
then
snatch away!!

Indian Giver!!

I prepared myself for the pain
countless times ---
only to be told ‘not to worry’
‘love is real’
‘love is “cool”’
‘love will not let you down’
all this BEFORE!
I fell helpless!
then ---
the same pain
only greater (this time)
the same confusion
what happened? (although I know)
the same dry tear
“me, a ‘Man?” (remember!?)

Ah!!!!! ----------------But LOVE ---------------

for all the hurt and suffering you bring
without you, I
wouldn’t be--
I wouldn’t have known her at all
I would have missed being so...

delightfully,
ecstatically,
wondrously,
grandly

FREE!!!!

as only I could be -----------------
with her...

‘man’

Thoughts of love - hate
cross my mind, my life.
I am but a ‘man’
enemy by being.

‘protector’ by ‘law’?, ‘society’?... of
family, home, and ‘life’? (whose ‘life’?, mine! - uh,uh)
I do not wish to hurt - to oppress - to deny.
to ‘kill’
for the burden is heavy.

I need to be
I need to lean
I crave, hunger for

protection,
love,
HELP.

I am changing also.
growing, broadening, changing.

I need your strength.

the assumption:
I am MALE, I am STRONG, I am TOTAL
the reality:
I am a person, needing, wanting, and craving an end to this ‘one-man’ show. I care for you. Please care for me...

might we not care together.
I see no need for you to ask, beg.
DEMAND!
I see no need for you to bow, to stutter, to want your turn!(must there be a turn?)
take a stand, assume your ideas are accepted,
as I assume mine......
Yet ---

let us respond in truth to one another
TOGETHER --

woman to man
man to woman
person to person
whichever is preferred, let us try together.

I need your friendship,
not your hostility.
I need your companionship,
not your anger.
I need your wisdom, warmth, strength, help and support,
you’re my compliment, without you
‘man’ is but so much space being filled.
you’re my existence -----
believe in me...PLEASE--
allow me to believe in you.

can we believe in one another???
truthfully...

am I able to judge you?
why then must I be judged
so totally... so completely?

the pain inflicted
is it earned,,
need it be??

how do we touch?
will you let me feel
your needs, your truths, your cravings..
or must we watch one another,
protecting ourselves ---
taking the crumbs
never savoring the meal...

DAMN!

No Guarantees

Love won’t be
‘this way”
Or
“that way” …

Love can’t be given
“your way”

Nor
“my way”

It can only be (given)
as it is …

And accepted
as it is …

there are no guarantees ---

ever ---

** but we CAN try **

Compromise …

i’ll never be forced to give up what and how I feel ---
i’ll never succumb to the necessity to do
“what’s strong”
what “reality” calls for...
i’ll allow sadness to be
i’ll allow the pain to
“run it’s course”
and i’ll dis-agree with the logic that shouts in my mind...
for my heart is where i’m at ----
my heart knows
what my mind refuses to see.

my strengths lie in my being true --- totally --
I have needs
great, large, all encompassing needs too.

and they will --

must

be satisfied...

reality of you

My mind fills with visions of
snow-filled meadows
on clear, crisp moonlit nights
of fireplaces and hot, cinnamon apple cider
because of your warmth
(closely guarded and protected from intrusion)

(pain?)
I see radiant dawns and mist-filled
early morning awakenings the day
in your smile
free, beautiful
and good...

I feel the force of tornadoes and massive
hurricanes spreading confusion
everywhere
from the complexity of your being

I grow silent as birds whisper,
and winds sigh through lofty branches
in mid-afternoon
to catch the soft, subtle
beautiful warmth and underlying
intensity for living,
in your voice...

and oft times I grow sad...
because I may never really know you...

When the music ends

When the music ends, I feel
refreshed
complete

music seems more easily translated into feelings
then feelings into words (rhetoric?)

yet ---

there is an amount of sadness
-- for us all--
because the soul of music
is the soul of life
which, in our realities

we all tend to dismiss much
much too easily --

for the soul of music is:
-- the rush of the ocean against the shore
-- the sound of the wind thru
the mountains
the valleys
the trees
-- the clap and roll of thunder
-- the comfort of the pitter-patter of rain against one’s mind
-- the sensations experienced on sightings of lightning
against a darkened sky...

all these ‘feelings’ are translated into feelings experienced through or with music..

a salvation of sorts
-- Gospel, Blues, Jazz, Disc, Rock

All music
All life.

The music moves thru my mind

The music moves thru my mind
conscious and sub-conscious
taking me away
giving me
time.

the beats, rhythms, melodies
sweet
smooth
exciting

move and soothe
instigate and mellow
my body
my mind

channel the energies
of love
need
brings me together in parts
undefined (not necessary)

gives me the place to lean!!
to express
to caress
my life

clears my thoughts
allows them to
attend themselves

give my soul
substance

establishes my environments
of
love
of
creative
hostility
of
fantastic
serenity

my body moves
the pains
gone
for awhile
and I
sing

enter my world with music
all, are invited to attend my party

*** BYOF***
(bring your own feeling)

Let’s

Let’s forget the world for awhile...
let’s be together
to be alone and in love.

love??
to be alone and alive.
living is loving;
is feeling;
is being;
is experiencing;
joy,
laugher,
tears
fears,
vibrations of inner peace,
total peace
I am
therefore,
I GOT to be --
ALIVE!

join me in my existence
and --
feel
fireplaces ---

and “reasons”
and “i’ll bet ya”
and “imagination”
and “loving you”
and “call me”
and quiet low feelings (shhhh)
and life
and
us.

On Others’ prose and poetry

I read the ‘words’, I feel the meanings
I relate to the expression(s)...
and then
I realize

the ‘words’ and expression I read and feel
are my words and expressions.
the only difference is the verbiage, format and signature.

why do I not allow myself to be what I want.
to grow as I need.
do I know? have I even allowed myself to find out?

I think so -- I think not.
can you help?

are my fantasies my realities and all else a ‘part’ to be ‘played’ because the script was written and the stage set before I had the chance to learn to read...(myself)??

were the reviews that good, that to continue a sellout is easier than to rewrite the ‘play’ and be my own
director, producer, playwright and star??
yet

I, read on.. I feel.
I relate to the personal expression I need to express

and

I want.......

Beautiful Lady - My Sister

Beautiful Lady - My Sister
why can’t we touch ?
why don’t we try?

my lady -
may I call you that -

and I

your man?

we talk in rhyme
but do not ever
speak of
us (together)
love (real)
destiny (our peoples)

must we always pass each other
on the street
in the halls
at parties

can’t we ever stop
take a look at
ourselves
see what we’re doing to each other?

i’m scared
beautiful sister
of you
of me

if I let you see
less than a ‘man’…

Safe –

my corner of life.
from eyes that are destined to see what they will
from ears determined to hear what they must
from hearts bound by personal prejudice to feel what they have to.

unbelieving minds
misjudging
misunderstanding

do you really believe that because YOU feel
as YOU must.. I cannot be feeling otherwise?

no games.. no plays
no need for lies - pretenses

always explaining, but
seldom understood

no more explanations

“physician, Heal Thyself” (?)

class is over!!
I am a person.. someone to know
not experience.

There are times

There are times when thoughts

just

are there

in my mind

and I write

to see what they are

to see how they feel

to know who I am...

How

How may I help?
will you let me?

how may I care?
on your definition only?
when you’re in the proper mood?
shall I await your call?

why not allow it to flow from my heart
from my concern for you

I mean not to push
to prod
to anger

to down your efforts

I only care
I only wish to lighten the burden where I may
I only want to help

the same as you!!!!!

B.J. (a gift of feeling from a close friend)

have I come so far as to let another
tell me
how to feel
what I should do
and
how to do it?

I remember
in the back of my mind
that I could enjoy my fellow ‘man’
give myself to ‘him’
without fear

I can remember
when most of the chains were gone
from my mind and body

now, i’ve found a key to some
but

some
of
these
damn
keys
don’t
work
anymore

I love the feel I feel when I jog
i’m free
my mind wanders
I float along
I can enjoy the sun, moon and the stars
i’m at peace with myself
I let go
I give
I love

then something happens
and I retreat
from what??
from whom??

myself??
or the fear of being molded by another

I want to be me
as free as I can be

don’t judge me

don’t change me

I will flee from your embrace
and give only part of me

go away completely

A peek Inside (me)

beautiful Black sister
to know you - to really know you
is to know the mysteries of the world
you mean so much to me
yet - i’ve never known you
we’ve never touched
until now
we’ve touched, we’ve communicated
the need to know:
one another
ourselves
otherwise

the need would remain
the confusion would grow
the anger, the hostility, the aloofness
would continue

between us there is much magic
much love, much humor
we cannot afford to lose.

let us understand
let us communicate
let us touch

you’re important to my life
my lifetime

as I am yours...

can we be one??

Black goals

pride in one’s heritage
love of one’s people
enough to commit
enough to help
enough to, not condemn, but to educate

hate has its place
constructive in context to not
what was done, but to
what is STILL being done
do you hear, Brother? Sister?
do you see
the harm you’ve done to yourselves
to me..
wake up!
look around... The time is NOW
FOREVER..

release the ‘Dreams’
reality needs to be re-instilled
in all hearts and minds..
boogie to the music of the drums
respond to the passion within to

LIVE REAL!!!

Run!

run “BOY”??

where YOU gonna run to?

how YOU gonna hide?

strong because you got no choice “BOY”

you either strong or you ‘daid’ “BOY”

girl, where you be goin’ to?

ain’t nowhere you can go.

straight hair, made up skin, ain’t gonna git you over either!!

ya’ll got to stop, slow down and deal wit yourselves,
your lies, and
your lives!

I got no answers
I got hardly no plans
but we’s still here together

and that’ll make it all work .. .. ..

When the words have been spoken

when all the rhetoric has ceased

will we at last
know
feel
be.

OURSELVES ?...

lovin’ me

Is you lovin’ me
me keepin’ you happy
so’s you’ll return the favor?

is me lovin’ you
you keepin’ me loved
so’s that i’ll keep you happy?

is your bein’ happy:
money
things
goin’ places?

why then is my bein’ happy
YOU?!

say Brother --
is your lady prostituin’ herself to you
so’s you’ll do the things she wants you to do.
so’s that she can be happy??

say Sister --
do you know what lovin’ that man is?
have either of you tried to discover any truths??

what is Love anyway ----?
my love is YOU!
what’s yours?!

i’m prepared to explain mine
can YOU!?

when I say ‘YOU’
I mean
US!

with nuthin’ but US!
sharin’, carin’, for each other.
being there for the other in times of emotional need
and
lovin’ it!

bein’ there for the other in times of physical need
and
enjoyin’ it!

how come I can when you need...at any time
but
I have to wait ‘til you FEEL like it!
WOW!

how come i’m not too tired for you
but
you can be for me
and
misunderstand
or
not understand
my disappointment

infidelity --
you’d NEVER forgive !!!!!!

how’s your Homework lately !? !? !? !?

who am I?

who am I?
do you see me when you glance my way?

i’m here, ya know
but yet, I ask
where?

you’re there, yet --
have you any idea
why?

i’m together
arms at the end of my shoulders
legs in their respective positions to my body
but --

my minds’ eye envisions emptiness

questions:
what is the plan for me?
what am I to be?
as real as I feel
am I?
as hard as we try
can we ever be real?

when all the definitions seem not to apply.. .. ..

I do

Since this book is dedicated to all the beautiful women
that have ever touched my life..
Those that just passed by, and especially to the ones that chose to linger (for awhile)... I ask ---

do you ever think about me??

do you ever gaze at the world
and wonder?

do you ever walk in the rain
and remember?

in your lonesome, quiet hours;
do the years ever come back?
do the good times, or the bad
ever join your shadows?

do you ever think about me?
and laugh at a familiar (to you/us) phrase
or,
remember the time (hurt)
when you returned from your vacation down home and
asked: (guardedly)
“Guess what happened to me while away?”

my reply: (feeling)
“You’ve either gotten engaged or married”

you reply: (feeling) TEARS!!

do you ever think about me?
the love still shared when you received an invitation
it his wedding?? (you still have his ring!)

do you ever think about me?
and remember - “the wonder of it all”?? - “love on a two-way street”??
“Ohh, Baby-Baby”

I wonder --------
do you ever think about me (us) ?

I do

Alive…
another ‘thought’ from sunni palatino-ash

Beautiful, brown, exotic lady
deep smooth skin of earthen colors
glisten in my mind
shine in my heart

caressing my thought of peace.

taste the bitter-sweet nectar of our embrace ---

feel the rhythms we create
as we move intertwined in each others bodies.

beautiful
strong
unique

are the hues of our heritage

explicit
are the movements of our dancing

making love.

your lips
full, sweet
speak to me of:
- despairs
- concerns
deep and longing needs
of a kind of commitment
to be ---
of nights smothered in the heat (even in winter) of
cities (ghettos)
depressed
oppressed
of long histories of sweat,
toil
on natures’ plantations (Slave!)
of yearnings for real understanding
and love
of justice

your eyes
oft-times dulled by the necessity of
our fore-mothers shame
our fore-fathers confused guilt
bright, alert
searching for beginnings.
your body
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
your
body

that which

echoes the strengths and powers of
those queens of our homeland,

tanned
permanently, to perfection
from the sun
in a maze of varieties

stroked
by non-polluted airs
cleansed
by pure rivers and mighty streams,
loved
by Kings

RAVAGED
by those of your own that sold you into slavery to those
that committed EVERY act of degradation imaginable !!!!

yet
it survives beautifully!!

the raw, un-inhibited strains of blood
belonging to, and of
African heritage
course thru your body,
no matter the obscene attempts at dilution
and create what your are
an integral part of ‘soul’
an undenied existence
proof
of our days in the sun
and
our nights under vast, clear, star-filled skies.

as I touch you
as I
feel
your energies (and abundant gifts)
I come alive!
I ignite!

i’m inspired…

i’m in awe of the gift
given by GOD

your love...

‘ghetto’

I was there today
where?
the ‘ghetto’
you were?
yup!
what’d you see?
despair, hopelessness, ‘internal oppression’
you did?
yup!
what was happening?

well, let’s see, do you know Blue Hill Ave.?
heard of it, why?
it ain’t no more!
What do you mean?
I mean it’s gone!
From Dudley street to grove hall,
It’s gone! …
Oh yeah, there are some buildings
All right.
But, hell man
Ain’t none of them worth shit!!
They even got PEOPLE living’ in them!
No Kidding?!
Yeah man,
No kiddin’ …
There are sisters and brothers there man
That are so down on each other
They don’t need
Nobody tellin’ them how bad off they is!!
I mean, can you imagin’ bein’ studied so’s
Someone can tell you how bad off
You is?!!!?

Uhh, uhh, uhh!!

I got good buddies there,
Damn smart, intelligent, down, dudes
Getting’ down every day, workin’ doin’ it.
You know??
Well, if they are so “down” and all, why are they still there? Why don’t they leave?

How can I explain it to you?
How can I relate
The pain
The fear
The constant tellin’ you how bad you
Bad you was --
How bad you Is –
How bad you always gonna be!!
I don’t have no answers …

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

now, now, wait!
There’s a bunch of those same people doin’
Somethin’ to change the situation!!
But it’s soo hard
Soo damned hard!
I guess!

Hey, let me tell you something!
I come from there
I know the pain first hand.
Yeah, well I guess you made it,
Didn’t you?

Made what?!
Man. All I did was
Change the locale ..
Dress up the picture ..
Let me add a bit to that, ok?
Yeah! Go ahead.
In all that poverty,
Filth, despair ----
The laughter rang out LOUD!
In all that bullshit
The party was on and
We did exist (DO exist)
The poetry flows
The music reigns SUPREME!
And
Hope stays alive!
Right On!
Say what!?!?!?!?

(all those potential basketball courts. Uh, uh, uh!)

To Be Real

How exciting to be real

And feel the enjoyments of life.

How exciting the murmurs of my heart
Throughout my body –
Throughout my mind …

How necessary the pain, the sadness,
The actual living.

How beautiful the hunger to know,
The questions,
The answers
The nuances we live
And feel …

Dynamite the rhythms that make my body
Sing, dance, rejoice

And

Powerful the commitments to that rhythm …

My Life is Music

My life is music ----

Blues
Keeps me in touch

Gospel
Gives me a relationship to
Fortify my spirit

Jazz
Frees me more easily than many things

Soul
What I am, a closeness, a culture, feelings.
My dreams … a contact

Pop
Everyday ‘get-down’ a bit of escapism for me …

Disco
A creative way to dispel anxieties, to express
Needs to be … reach out …

A music fills my soul, my life
At all times …

I walk in rhythms ---
I talk in rhythms ---
I love in rhythms ---

The strings
Melodies
Beats
All combine to transfuse me into the world of

‘people’

“stop and smell the flowers”

I say …

Feel the music within and rejoice in the

Messages ………..

Clarity

Heights unattainable in my soul
Reached thru the beats ----

Feelings in my head
Driven by the rhythms

Serenity’s everlasting peace
Accomplished with the melodies

The lows caress ---
The highs intimidate

The bass reaches in and brings forth
Strong
Clear
Undenied
Response

The strings massage and mold the response into
Movement
Physical release
Mental stimulation

Clarity of (my)self

Enthusiasm for dealin’ with my life
All life

Dynamic are the highs, lows, melodies

Of life.

Feel the bass play

Allow the strings to permeate your soul …

judged

To be judged by another man’s criteria
Is what?
Hell!

To have to conform and modify ones’ soul to
‘advance’, ‘survive, in this world
Is what?
Grossly unfair!!

When one entire group of peoples’ are
‘encouraged’ to
Abide by those standards of an entirely
Different group of peoples
Different roots
Different history
Different priorities
Different basic backgrounds
Different hassles
Different ‘forced’ lifestyles
Different survival problems
Different childcare care problems
Different economic problems (i.e. you can give me the same amount of
Money and our real ‘economic’ problems are as different as “night and day”
No pun intended

How is that justified?!

How insensitive you must be to those
Basic differences.

YOU!

Growing up in a much more sterile world than i

You are not me and I am not you …

How can you choose the criteria
How can you dictate the standards

By which my family
My people
And i

Must live?

Yet

I compromise

I must

To live …

Compromise 2

“compromise”

To a people inherently poor
No matter the cosmetics,
Material rich gains ---

Means
The last resort?
The final insult?

Money ‘buys’
Power
Prestige
‘people’?

Compromise means
Success?
Ideals?
Principles?

Who knows the words
Feel the pain
Greater than
You?
Me?

A people invisible to the world
With our visibility

United in confusion

Of who we were
Who we are!

Compromise !!?

Define the word forever.

The feeling remains the same …

Shit!

Black Woman

Black woman
The soul I feel

Can I touch your heart
Your mind
Your soul

Is it a cop-out
Of mine

To place the responsibility
Of knowing you (us)
On the world?
On me?
On you?

Instead I feel the need
Is mine
To share my all
With you
Now!

Truth, honesty,
All my love
I offer

How must I express my need
For us to really meet?

I need you
Desperately
Without you there’s
No me (us)
The peoples depend on us …

The sister

The sister smiled
With her heart
And the bond created …
We touched permanently
Our minds
Hearts
And
Souls …

My mind fulfilled
To have walked the same streets
Hand and hand
Of the mind .

We danced,
Sang
And rejoiced
Together!

With GOD.

My “roots” ---
Confirmed
My love ---
‘my’ people

“PA-AR-TAY” !!!
Uh-huh

What has once been said

What has once been said
Is so very, very true
For me
To have fallen in love with

The aura of your softness,
The question you present
Unspoken
About yourself
The control

== and lack of –
Yur emotions.

The feelings y activate within
My mind
Heart
And
Soul

Simply

I love what your really are…

YOU

You caressed my mind

And surrounded my heart
Without knowing
The desire
The need
The necessity
For me to experience this
Freedom of
Warmth
And

Love.

A re-confirmation
To me
Of the definition
Possibility
Existence of
The totality of
The gift you gave

Love

Thank you ….

Thinking

I’m thinking of you

Just

Thinking

And

Feelin

Good!

Because of you

I’m much less lonely
Much more in touch

Because of you

I feel more complete

Because of you

I feel a depth of security (trust)

Because of you

I’m saddened

Because of you

I’m more sensitive to pain

Because of you

I’m more anxious and irritable

Because of you

The sun is warmer, the rain more comforting

My life more complex

Because of you

It’s love

Isn’t it ---?!

Sweet joy

Ah sweet joy
So light, so happy, so seemingly free
To share and possess
All the many things we create

If we were bound not at all
If the ultimate joy
If the completeness were ours
Oh would you grow so large

But then, if with a glimpse
The possible is seen
Can we settle
For this

--- which is world’s more than we ever dreamed ----

I wonder what I feel

I wonder what I feel
Remorse at the emptiness of what?
Living in two worlds?

Hmmmmmm

How do I explain that!
I understand what I mean
But
How do I convey that understanding
Or
Meaning
To you?!

Not being able to feel the substance
Of real life
Frustrating(?)

(we) I tend to confuse the “American dream”
With my own dreams
Of peace
Of mind
Of living

Success is not the money I make
It’s the happiness and inner peace

I feel

To know, to feel

I don’t drink or smoke.

Not out of particular

Morals
But

Out of the need

To know

Feel

The sensations of my life
As clearly as possible

“the sadness being as much a part of my life
As the laughter”

She

I saw this statement somewhere, and loved it

For it feel like something

She

Has said to me more than once

Without ever uttering a word,

“I like it that you know who you are
And are comfortable with it”

My children

My daughters and my son

Play the most important part in my life

For it is to be that

My daughters will become “women”

And my son

A “man”.

Time

A time for commitment to real values

A time for realization

Of what?

Hoplessness

Real faith in

GOD.

“HIS” service

I pray.

Almost

Lost remembrances of
How i:

Almost knew you
Almost held you in my arms
Almost saw the gleam of love in your eyes
Almost cried at the tenderness of your smile
Almost laughed at the pleasure of your touch
Almost enjoyed the beauty of your friendship

Loved you…

Always waiting

It’s a strange feeling to

Always be waiting ----------------------

For love …

What limits?

What limits on friendship?

My heart abounds with the limitless joy
Of having known you ----

Yet bends at your with your withdrawal
For a time
From my world

My feelings of friendship (love)
Remain forever
Waiting
Available

To the needs of your world,
Your heart
.
My feelings of love (friendship)
Remain, forever
Here,
Engraved in the truths
We shared

In the dreams
Not realized ---

Yet
Still much alive.

What limits on friendship, love?

None ever

For you

For me

For those that dare to
Live,
Dare to love,
Dare
To be …
Words

Words not uttered –
Feelings not declared –
Needs not expressed
Because of past denials

What a pity!

Because

You are important to my life
The necessary ingredient for love

I do love you
I do need you

Your acknowledgement,
Total effort to understand

Me –
As I am

And to allow me to understand you
As you are

To love

Are all that is missing …………..

I love you

I love you –
That’s not a simple statement at all
Loving you means
Pain
Heartache
Allowing you to address your needs
Oft times
On your own ..

I love you ---
The statement becomes easier
Out of understanding you
Loving you means
Warmth
Concern
A sense of being …

I love you ---
Your beauty as a whole person

I love you –
The softness of your emotion filled eyes

I love you –
Why is that so difficult for you to accept,

Or deny ---
If you must …

I guess

I guess I should not have expressed my love

This time …

I would have held you

Longer …

Immediately recognizable

Immediately recognizable

In my life

Is the need to love and be loved
Fully,
Completely

And without hesitation.

To feel ,
Experience

And be all that I am

And

All that you

(the world)

Are …

RELAX! ENJOY!

Relax!

Enjoy!

Wish I knew how

Thought I did
Strange ---

I do party quite hard –

I do love a bit much ---

I do strain to, what word???
Be(?)

Life does seem “too important”
To me

Oh well ---
I’m cool

Only

I wish I had more answers than
Questions
Or, at least
More conclusive answers ..
Ya know!!?

The kind that don’t activate
Other questions …

Thinking, but ...

Thinking more

But

Enjoying it

Less …?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

Moods

Moods

Mellow, bright, sad

Unaware, aware -------------
Whatever …

What a quagmire of

Expressions ---
Feelings ---

What a mess of personal,
Oft-times, defeating
Traits

Oft-times public
Uplifting
Qualities ..

Whew!

If I keep thinking like this … … …

I think I'll just...

I think I’ll just close

My eyes and let my mind roam
Free

For awhile

And see
Wonderful, soft

Thoughts of you,

My mountain

The world
And

Be
HAPPY ……….

‘cause

I’m tired!

And

And … … … …

How could i

NOT

Love you !?

And more

And if I ever held you

Would I ever let you go ---

The softness
In your eyes

In your face

In your ways

Could

Make me succumb

To all of my

Unknown (even to myself)

Fantasies (?)

Fear

Your voice quietly and softly

Shouts!!

Of your fear of the pain experienced

Thru love…

How do I respond -----------------?

For the fear

Is also

Mine….

To be with you

I feel this tremendous need
To be with you ----
Not to ask questions
Or to give answers
Just
To be with you
Not to do
anything
Just to rest a bit
To ease my mind
Visit my ‘lake’
I need that desperately
But
How do I let you know?
Without imposing
The pressure
On you to decide
On me to accept
In case you need
To rest also ---
Will it ever be that we
Will do it together??
We can, you know
We both deserve the rest….

We both deserve each other
(I believe!!)

Alone for awhile

I guess I need to be alone
For awhile

To review my needs

To clarify for myself
What I expect from

People
Myself

I hurt

A lot
A great deal
Bunches

I need to share this pain

Before

I’m lost …

Impression

You’ve made QUITE an impression
In my life …

To say “thank you” is not enough
For me …

But it’s all that I have

And

All you’ll accept… … …

“Open-ness” of love

The open-ness
Of my love

The open-ness
Of my fears

The open-ness
Of my weaknesses
The open-ness
Of my life

Seem to drive away

Love ……………

Some call me a

“player”

Does that justify me

For them?...........

You are wrong

you are wrong, you know
about me being a “Player”

I hurt the same as you
(maybe more often too0

I’m just as much in need of love
And of being loved as anyone
(possibly even you – though you’ll
Never admit it (maybe))

I have little time for games (none, actually!)
Of words or feelings

Both of these things being very, very precious
To me

You say my words are easy
Because of your fact that I’m a “player” ---
Read them, and re-read them
Until you feel the
Truth
Pain
And loneliness they often express
And feel your sadness and joys (each greatly surpressed
By you) meet with mine with
Astounding commonness

Why, I wonder, do I waste(?) your time
And mine(?) worrying what you feel
Of me?

You may never know

Or care……….huh?

Response or reaction

“BAKKE” – ignorance of a peoples’ needs.

“EEO” – an attempt at what? Tokenism when they have to be reminded

“ERA” – the best thing that ever happened to the “white” people. Defuses the “black problem”
‘cause they even got the “sisters” fooled.

“Black Caucus” – a joke on the “people”

When do we look ----
When do we see ---

When the REAL damned commitment to “people” as people
Instead of
Complimentary Shit?

I cannot relax
Feel my peace
Lie down
Until the ignorance that abounds is
Somehow removed
Or, at least
Have made my commitment
To do
To be
To make changes where I may

If I find not the place here
I will go where I may …

If I only do for me
And ‘mine’, I lie
I do nothing for any of us.

If you only do for you
You do nothing for yourself
‘cause we all got to live in this world

TOGETHER ..

Cry

Did you ever feel the need

Cry?

Well, I sure do ---

If I could only cry, I really think I’d be able,
At last

To free myself, and not put the burden
On others

To allow me

To be

Free …

Ya know what I mean ……………?

The Clouds Rolled In

The clouds rolled in
And darkened the bright
Summers’ sky
And all was still
Except my heart …

The cool air, after the hot. Humid day
Set off the mood of things to come ---

The rain,
The thunder,
The miraculous lightening
Across my minds eye
And thoughts of you ---.

The hues of the sky raced and changed.
My thoughts
Comforted
Yet, stimulated by the clamor.

Excitement filled veins,
Orchestrated by the power of nature
Evident in the confrontation of my soulls’ need for release.

Music
Again fills the air
Strong!
Vibrant!
Shocking!
Yet ----
Mellowing in impact
It humbles –
It denies –
Numbs the conscious senses
Into submission ---.

FEEL!
You must!
Sensations of being
Held,
Stroked,
Loved
Engulf my mind ………………………
And
Realizations that these same
Undenied responses
Fill my being
When

I’m with you.

Cope

How do I cope?

The same as you …

How do I do it?

No difference (in basics)

I, as you, was born with a set of ‘circumstances’
I, as you, live with these ‘circumstances’ as best as possible …

The difference is

I guess.

The modes and hostilities,

The environments,

The priorities,

The ‘visibilities’

Of our lives …..

Wish

Wish I could get rid of the weight
Of my world …
I need the peace.

Wish I had someplace to go
From here,

I need the time.

Wish the responsibilities
Of my life
Would break a bit,
I’m tired …

Wish I could just be like the ‘majority”

Resigned, contented (??)

Never will be ..

Darn (?)

I’m gonna close my eyes for awhile ….

I need the peace …

Cost

The cost of being free,

Open and

Alive

Seems to be more expensive
Than to be cold,
Closed,
Unloving and

……………………………………….dead

Clouds

Clouds ---
Dark, yet full of meaning
For me

I love feeling

I love needing to feel

Thank the LORD for allowing me

The need to feel –
For you.

But yet –

The desire to know and experience knowing
The peoples of the world is often

Overwhelming

Because ---
They do not allow themselves
The beauty of being known.

Very disappointing to limit oneself from life ……

Is “man´ so proud

Is “man” so proud of “him”self
To deny others the right to be,
To live, to enjoy, without the
Constant harassment “he” inflicts

Must the fight always be fought?
Must the pain at all times be
So GREAT?!!

DAMN!

When VICTORY!?
Why always defeat.

When understanding?ever?!?

Life …
So sweet
So hard
So damned necessary!

Existing as non-existent
So tired of losing touch
Losing touch means…….

So angry (again)
So tired (again)
So lonesome (again)
So hurt (again)
Ain’t never NOT gonna be angry …
Ain’t never NOT gonna be tired …
Ain’t never NOT gonna be lonesome …
Ain’t never NOT goona be hurt

Why?? ?? ??

And now

And now you see me
And love is born anew
Not out of physical need
Or false security
Because
Thru growth
We became friends … … …

At the top of the stairs

That night
As I left
At the top of the stairs

My heart turned around
And saw you standing there

And
Went back to you
Your eyes were moist and so
Very soft

My heart
Still afraid…

Our lips met
Softly, with great tenderness
(and hesitation)

We embraced warmly,
With bursting need
To hold on (for safety?)

And

I knew I loved you deeply
And felt your love for me…….

Would I sound

Cold,
Hurt,
“on the defense”,
Or tired

If I were to say

“make no judgments or decisions about me based on –
Without knowing me first …
Make no demands on your time to know me (better)
Until you understand
Your world and your commitment to it ..

Your “energy” level,
Yourself ..

Make no demands to be my friend
Until you’ve been one (and know the pain)
Totally ---

Make no assumptions of the level, or depth of person
You can “handle”
Until you’re ready to be responsible for the pain
You inherit
Or, the pain you give …

Make no commitment to “love”
Until you’ve made the commitment to live, feel,

And be”.

Or would you understand??

At times

At times it may seem
To you

That I allow, or even, insist (non-verbally)
That you

“initiate” all of the (physical) moves.

I do

Because,

Touching you means

My “forcing(?) you to make a commitment

To respond
To

Touch me,

Or not to.

And I become afraid….

To you E.A. because it’s true

Love is there I strongly believe
But I am all burnt out
I can no longer give support needed.

Reaction is not easy because all of my senses
Thru our years together
Have been dulled, de-sensitized

When my love was strong
It was ignored
Not purposefully,
But because it could not, because of a past,
Be accepted for what it was ---
Undenied love …

Now I’ve lost to my own
Fatique in trying to keep up…
I’m tired with no place to rest.

I’ve not stopped caring
Or feeling
I’ve stopped being here the way I was.
It’s time for me.
Somehow, somewhere
To be.

I’ll only be a shadow of what I was if I don’t now clear
My confusion.
I wished, hoped and prayed for years
That you’d
Eventually help…
I’ve asked many times
And pleaded more.
Now ---
I’m too hard inside, too cold
Yet
Much, much too vulnerable.
The pain has increased to such levels that it has become
The norm instead of the exception.

I’ve an endless search that was generated thru our union
I’d hoped it ended with you.
It has increased.
Things don’t mean anything to me
Without
True peace of
Not only self,
But of
Total existence and basic happiness.

I’m tired now
I’ve no place to rest
Here…

Peace

My peace is:

Letting the softness thru

Allowing the tears to “fall”

Support without explanation
(all the time)

Watching the clouds

Closing ones’ eyes and enjoying the silence

Being held, hugged, encompassed

Being loved
Freely

Letting go (“dumping”) of the fears

And

Being understood …

Nowhere to go

I have nowhere to go with this pain I feel …
It hurts badly,
I feel terribly alone,
No support,
Nowhere to lean,
Nowhere to fall
For even a little while.

I don’t want to give up completely
I just want somewhere to rest

Someone

To touch me

How to accept help
How to say “help me please” ..

When I do it on my own, people run.
Is it the way that I am that people shy away from??
I don’t want admonishment
I want help (support)
I want comfort
I want peace within

And I don’t know where to find it …

The beauty of your words

The beauty of your written words

Touch

Deeply.

Who are you?

How do I deal with you?
Do I dare?

I see you
I feel sooo much from you ---
So many different
(what words?)

Parts of yourself struggling(?)
For

Expression?
Recognition?
Freedom?

Peace?

Yes! Peace ..

Your peace,

My peace

Brother to brother
Sister to sister
People to people

Peace!!

Mountains, streams, rivers and brooks

For us all

And for you ---

What?

Money, Power, things

Money, power, things
I don’t want

Peace ---

For me, for my people,
For the world

I need

I want the shit to stop---!
Understand who you are
People.

Understand the differences are to be
Relax in the fact – that the differences are what

Make us all uniquely
The same.

Rejoice in our lives together
Or

Get ready for the fight --!
I can survive quite well in the battle that will be …

You’ve taught me well –

I will make you deal directly with me.
I’ve got to be FREE.!

And you’ve hindered progress long enough!!!
When will you (all) realize what is so –
Obviously clear –

I (we) will not disappear
Or even simply just emulate

Standards set by
“man”

For me (us) to assimilate.

“Things”